Tyler Guillen

Black

2012-01-09T00:16:00.000-08:00

The last roll from the road trip.

2011-12-31T14:17:00.000-08:00

Here we go again.

2011-12-30T10:44:00.001-08:00

More to come.

So I'm working on this thing.

2011-12-26T03:13:00.000-08:00

At this point, I have yet to determine the size, scope, and style of it. Hell, I've barely decided on a medium for it. But it is an important thing to me. A personal project, of sorts. If you'd like to know about it, please ask. I'd be happy to sit down with you and discuss it as well as what you can do to help!

I am addicted to human experience.

2011-12-17T18:34:00.000-08:00

The hiss of traffic that churns through the nearby busy street, as heard through my anything-but-soundproof bedroom window. The soft hum of the heater, audible between passing cars. The echo of one half of a conversation of a person on the phone in the other room, made mostly unintelligible by the architecture of the building. The squeak of denim against leather as I shift in my chair. The occasional tinny pings that emanate from my desktop speakers as people in faraway places log into a now-seemingly-ancient electronic communication system.

Warm light from a single bulb spreads itself across bedsheets, carpet fibers, and wood grain. It scatters with dull shimmers on the wall texture and the water in the glass beside me. Fills the space like a dim fog, leaving shadows that feel like an afterthought, secondary to a presence which in itself feels secondary. Necessary. A white screen demands attention. Tired eyes cling to it.

My shirt hangs loosely off my shoulders and arms, quivering, gently brushing against my skin as I move. It makes the room feel warmer. The keys of my worn-out keyboard are smooth and cold to the touch, and my wrists have made warm spots in the wood of the edge of my desk. My chap lips scratch against my tongue as I lick them. They cling together slightly as I open my mouth to sigh through it. Moisture shifts in my throat as I clear it. The weighty haze of sleep deprivation hangs from my eyelids, head, and arms, as if my skin can't hold itself up. Invisible pressure on my chest, cheeks, and nostrils. My tongue feels like it barely fits inside my mouth. I am dehydrated and need to bathe.

Bottom-up mental processing, unfettered by intrusive thought.

Early morning walks. Quiet footsteps. Silent shops. Chatty neighbors. Curious dogs. Tiny birds. Moist foliage. Wind. Sunlight. Crazies. Tweakers. Drunkards. Lovers. Bicycles. Brooms. Bridges. Benches. Grass. Clouds. Thoughts. Ideas. Words. Tears.

Short-circuiting neurons. Dopamine. Serotonin. Oxytocin.

The clack of a camera's shutter. The clink of glass against glass during a toast. The whirr of machinery, echoing the ingenuity of human beings. The click of a fastening lock. Electronic signals of confirmation and validation. The pop of bubble gum as it reaches its bursting point through pursed lips. The swipe of a belt being pulled through its loops. The complex dance of a pen being dragged across paper. The coos of a child being put to bed. Predictability. Satisfaction.

Clean sheets. New shoes. Scarves. Worn-out possessions, refusing to be replaced. Hugs. High fives. Sneezes. Chuckles. Kisses. Questions. Quotations. Sleep. Soft hands. Soft hair. Callused feet. Late night highway drives. Afternoon hikes. Sleepovers. Stories. Home.

Reading on a crowded bus, missing stops. Sitting silently in a noisy bar, deep in thought. Playing loud music at home, singing to nobody. Standing motionless under a shower head, trying to sort a thought out. Introspection. Introversion.

Take-offs. Landings. Curvy freeways. Train tracks. Motion. Impacts. Blows. Fractures. Pressure. Stress. Damage. Static shocks. Magnetic fields. Adhesion. Gravity. Entropy. Chaos.

Shapes. Reflections. Blurs. Distortions. Noise.

Discovery.

Photo + Unrelated Text

2011-09-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

My father is re-reading Atlas Shrugged for some reason. I told him that if he wants a more substantial 1000-page tome, he should try Infinite Jest. Or maybe an anthology of Archie comics.

I grew up with parents who champion Ayn Rand's works, and it shows by the lack of support any of us, their children, have received from them. I won't go into details on that, but I'll say that it caused two quite polar spin-offs: my older brother, and myself (he and I are the only two among the five of us who are foolish enough to give philosophy a single critical thought). I typically know not to bring any of my thoughts about anything to the dinner table when we're together, since I'm a sort of a black sheep in my family in terms of beliefs (attributed again to me caring too much about things that don't really mechanically matter to me), but I can't help but take minor jabs at some of the things my family says.

For instance: my brother seems to enjoy going off about how college is a terrible thing that shouldn't ever be considered unless one wants to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer. The guy had a tough time getting through school and deciding on something to do, and ended up with a business degree after about seven years in undergrad. He is understandably bitter about it. He loves Ayn Rand's work, and sees it as a perfect system of ideals.

The family got together for dinner at a restaurant one night last month. After a beer or two, we got started talking about college, and my father at some point told my brother that he should have majored in philosophy, seeing as it was his true passion and all. I found the statement laughable, considering that I'm sure that my brother isn't up on anything else philosophy-related other than Rand. He refuted that you don't need philosophy education to be a philosopher, and started to mention Ayn Rand. I butted in: "Ayn Rand is what happens when people don't have have sufficient education in philosophy." A little bit of a weird silence ensued, before he retorted: "That's a silly statement, because you cannot create any sort of philosophy outside of your own personal experience, and that's exactly what Ayn Rand did." I didn't decide to pursue any sort of debate on that, which I kind of regret, but I just started thinking about what he said.

Now, I can guarantee that he and I both vastly misunderstand Rand, but here's what I think:

Sure, you can't be conscious about anything outside of your own awareness, but that's no reason to accept your own limited understanding of the world as something that's applicable to everything. That's dangerous induction. Atlas Shrugged, along with her other works, were written in the wake of having escaped from soviet Russia, and she was, in /r/fuckingphilosophy's words, butthurt after the communists took her family's shit. For that reason, she asserts that socialism (which never really actually existed in the USSR) is a terrible thing, and therefore capitalism is infallible. That isn't how philosophy works. For that reason, Rand is simply shrugged off by "serious" philosophers.

I think the problem with Rand's assertions about selfishness is that they're self-defeating when it comes to getting anything worthwhile done. You can't truly understand anything with a self-centered worldview. In neglecting to see things from other vantage points, we're unable to apply our conclusions about things to anything other than our own personal experience, plus maybe the experience of those whom agree with us, which I think is pretty much of chief concern of Rand fans. The term "circle-jerk" comes to mind. It's sort of the same deal as the "sample size" problem in science. Why not choose to truly understand (let alone be aware of) the theories and assertions that contradict our own dogma, rather than using sweeping induction and applying only what we have experienced to everything else in this complex world?

Based on what my objectivist brother thinks about Ayn Rand's work, my opinion of her is this: it lacks awareness. Moreover, it advocates a lack of awareness by both creating a separate, selfish world within the mind of the entitled individual, and by refusing to look beyond said world.

I could be dead wrong, however. Who the fuck knows?

Legendary Brother

2011-08-15T13:38:00.000-07:00

My short answer...

2011-08-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

...to the "if free will doesn't exist, then are you responsible for your crimes?" dilemma:

I'm Tyler. Rather, my body and mind assume the identity of Tyler, therefore the processes and actions that are carried out by said body/mind are in effect processes and actions that are carried out by Tyler. I murder George. I plea the case that my neurons made me do it. This argument does not hold because courts don't convict the will behind the action, they convict the body that committed the crime. Since my identity is stuck to that body, I'd go to prison. Pretty half-baked, no?

There's more to it. Buy me a beer and we'll talk.

More from the trip.

2011-07-16T18:11:00.000-07:00

I have a bunch of these photos that I shot from my car, and so I've been busy scanning them all onto my hard drive to figure out what I want to do with them. Stay tuned.

I've also been going through my old negatives again. There's always something in there to scan:

First summer photos.

2011-07-10T02:07:00.000-07:00

Dirt piles. That's all, really.

Self Portrait ca. 2008

2011-06-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

The Trip

2011-06-27T23:49:00.000-07:00

This is going to be an ongoing deal. As I get more scans done, I'll post more. These are a few selections from the first round of scans from the road trip I took last month. I'll provide more details soon, but now's just to get some photos posted to this blog. Enjoy! You can see more here.

As an added bonus, here are a few of the last photos I took in Rochester:

Appendicitis

2011-03-15T17:04:00.000-07:00

I checked into the emergency room at the Strong memorial hospital late Wednesday night with severe abdominal pain. I had a conversation with my parents about a half hour prior, who tried to convince me that it was just heartburn, but I knew something wasn't right. It had been going on for about eight hours, and it was debilitating. I hadn't ever had heartburn this bad. Giulia urged me to head to the hospital around midnight or so, after over-the-counter pain meds wouldn't do anything to ease it.

My roomate sped me to the emergency room and I sat waiting for three or four hours before a nurse called me in. I waited for a few more hours on an ER bed next to a woman who had some sort of cardiac problem similar to what my brother has. Drugged up, trying to sleep, keeping my parents updated via text messages on a progressively weakening cell signal, I waited in a clouded state of consciousness while the doctors waited for tests. The only thing I was able to consume during that time was a tropical-punch-like fluid to help with the CT scan I was scheduled for the next morning. I needed to drink about cup of it every ten minutes, which meant I wasn't allowed to sleep for an hour. I was barred from sleep for a lot of what was rest of the night.

Nurses and doctors have a knack for keeping you awake in the wee hours of the morning. I guess it's their job to keep you alive, though.

Morphine makes you surprisingly, as I described it, "alright with everything."

I've never had surgery before, so when the doctor told me about my dead appendix, I admit that a tiny part of me was excited to go under the knife. The rest of me (read: most of me) was a bit irked and sort of terrified, but I could sense a part of my adventurous side saying "let me at it."

I'm not really sure why I'm chronicling this thing. It's not really something I typically write about here. I don't have a photo to show you, nor do I have any sort of rant to let out. I'm sitting in the dark and I should be working on makeup work for the classes I've missed, but something made me want to write about whatever came to mind. I'm tired and a little bit sore, and all-around ill motivated, which means I'm in need of a bit of a mental rest. This past week has been stressful, to put it lightly, and I'm still picking up the pieces.

Anyway, to make a long story short, the operation went swimmingly, and I no longer have an appendix. They even told me they took care of a hernia in the process. Neither will be missed, I'm sure. I'm at the tail end of the "bed rest" recovery phase, and I'll return to my daily routine tomorrow.

I do feel a little broken, however. I've lost an organ. I'm running on less than what most people run on. I understand that I don't really need it now that I'm no longer a child, but it's still there rooting on the others in the bodies of most other folks. I do not know why this is worth complaining about. Let's just carry on.

Home

2011-03-09T09:22:00.000-08:00

The continuation of my "Avedon clone" body of work. A personal collection of portraits of the people around me. The people who have shaped my life.

I sometimes like to take a step back and appreciate existence itself. I haven't had time to do so in a while, but I think that these recent days have warranted such a moment. I think that's sort of a funny thing to say so nonchalantly: "I am now going to sit back and contemplate the term 'to be.'"

This is one of my weaker subjects, so please pardon my layman's ignorance.

We are nothing but tiny imperfections in the fabric of reality. Our atoms -- or, more definitively, our quarks -- are simply tiny little bumps and ridges and tangles in that fabric. There isn't really any sort of physical difference (if you can describe it as physical -- think about that for a moment) between them and, say, photons, muons, etc.. The way they vibrate -- their ebb and flow -- is the only thing that sets them apart from each others (that's how I see it, at least).

Nonetheless, they define reality, which is sort of curious. It's weird to think about a matter or what-have-you at such a fundamental level. It's easy to describe what a thing is made of until you get to that point. The coffee in my cup is made of water, phosphates, calcium, caffeine, liverine, methylliberine, hydrocarbons, lipids, and so on. Those are made up of atoms, which each contain the the same three particles: protons, neutrons, and electrons. The protons and neutrons are made of quarks, but from there you can't break it down anymore (or at least we think). That's tough to wrap your mind around when you put it into perspective. What is something you can't dissect made of? Hell, we can't even describe what they look like; we just know that they're there. Maybe*. If you get enough of them to clump together, then you have a thing.

The building blocks of what makes a thing don't vary from one thing to another. The quarks and electrons in a block of wood aren't any more special than the quarks and electrons in a piece of gravel. They are the same between living and nonliving things. What defines a living thing as living is simply a matter (no pun intended) of how its particular particles interact with each other. DNA is simply a bunch of particles that clumped together in a certain way that allows the structure itself to replicate and create.

The particles themselves are meaningless. They're just little folds in the fabric of reality, the very basis of which makes no sense to me. What gives them meaning, though, is the way their properties allow them to interact and amass into different forms. A particle had to start out somewhere, though, therefore its history and trajectory is what counts**. That gives a whole lot of meaning to Einstein's concept of space and time, which are actually the same animal. An object's temporality is just as important as its structure, because its temporality is a facet of its structure. If it isn't a facet, then it's the entirety of its structure, and vice versa.

As we humans (and all other living things) move through time, we pick up and drop off particles all the time. We probably don't have the same atoms in our body now as the ones we had when we were born (unless you're about three months old and are somehow able to read this), but our structure has remained relatively the same, and that's what counts. We can't really be defined by our quarks and electrons and neutrinos and whatnot, because they alone are quite meaningless and the individual ones are only a part of us for a short while. A good analogy would be the fact that a word isn't defined by its letters (actually, phonemes would be a better term to use, we'll stick with letters), because the individual letters aren't any good on their own. The word itself wouldn't even be useful if it weren't for the meaning we wrap around it. The word stands as a reference to a notion we already have in mind (or might learn upon looking up the agreed-upon notion in a dictionary), and the letters (rather, their structure) stand as a reference to this notion.

In the same way, we must be defined by how we are put together, and how that has changed through time. This means that our past and future are, in fact, a part of us in exactly the same way that our current state is (Vonnegut's Tralfamadorians come to mind). Furthermore, they too would be meaningless if we didn't have a notion of them in the first place. By that idea, though, everything else would be meaningless if we didn't eventually come along to give it meaning. This universe might as well not have existed if we -- if not us, somebody else -- weren't able to ponder its existence.

That isn't to say that I believe in the whole misconception of quantum mechanics that the universe has to be observed to exist. I'm sure this all would've happened without us, but we are the ones ("we" includes any living thing that might've come before the ones on this planet; it's extremely likely too, which excites me to no end) who define it and make it worth having happened.

And that makes me proud to be alive.

The only thing that makes me more proud is the fact that I get to see through it all with someone who cares deeply for me.

The Cat Empire says it better than I can.

*Quantum weirdness isn't something I even want to touch here, but I'll say this: how can we take anything that merely has the probability of being in a certain place at a certain time for granted? How can we view our world in such a concrete way, when its very building blocks are bound to uncertainty? Somehow, it works out and we're here. It took us 14 billion years to get here, but it happened.

**The fact that particles do have a trajectory is part of the reason why I subscribe to determinism -- another thing I don't really want to get into (we'll see how the rest of this post pans out...I probably will end up discussing it, knowing me). I summed my opinion up rather haphazardly in a comment on one of Giulia's blog posts.

Old Scans

2011-02-19T11:32:00.000-08:00

Going through my old negatives made me rediscover how much I loved shooting with the X-Pan. I'm going to try to take it out for another spin sometime before I leave here. Here's hoping I can afford just another roll of film. I've also been re-scanning and re-processing some of the negatives that I keep looking back at. It's funny to see how my eye for tones has changed over the years:

I'm also glad that I deviated away from my obsession with T-Max.

It's almost the end of my first photo-free quarter. I pass through the photo building quite often still, and brushing elbows with my former classmates (who are still constantly as busy always) is a really strange feeling. I'm do miss being among them, but it's time for me to get serious and settle down on something that I can commit to for the long run.

Back to Blogger

2011-01-26T21:21:00.001-08:00

I've decided to move this blog back to Blogger for the time being. Wordpress was proving to be extremely stingy when it comes to customization, and I'm not very fond of preset layouts. I'll be toying with this layout more when I get the time, but I'm already enjoying how it's turned out.

I've imported some 670 posts since 2004, but I probably won't show any of them but the more recent ones.

Winter Break 2009

2011-01-21T10:57:00.000-08:00

About a year ago I set out to do a minor portrait project with the Hasselblad and a giant roll of white seamless. I found the exposed rolls of film from that endeavor the other day, which were still unprocessed. Since I've been playing catch-up these past few weeks, I decided to finally tackle these. I developed eight rolls of 120 today, and scanned for as long as I could. The results have been surprisingly good. More on Monday.

Edit: I uploaded more and made a set on Flickr! More to come as soon as I find more friends!

2011-01-20T11:51:00.000-08:00

The moment you think you're caught up, you discover ten exposed rolls of film in your drawer from over a year ago. I'm going to lock myself in the darkroom tomorrow.

Winter Break - The Color Roll

2011-01-19T12:36:00.000-08:00

Just keep scanning.

Winter Break, continued

2011-01-17T04:57:00.000-08:00

I'm getting through some scans of the film that I shot over winter break with the cage's Leica M6. Giulia gave me the privilege of being able to photograph her during my time down there, and I'm happy with the results. I can honestly say that these are some of the best photographs I've ever taken of anybody. If not the best, they're definitely my favorites.

Winter Break

2011-01-14T03:53:00.000-08:00

Grays.

2010-12-18T12:07:00.000-08:00

I'll admit that this shot goes a little bit overboard when it comes to the reduction of tonal range, but I in my defense, I toned it for the print, and it looks pretty good to me on paper.

I've delighted in minimalism ever since I began taking classes at RIT. It sort of started as an excuse to get out of doing a lot of work in my 2D Design class, but the more I delved into it the more I realized how much it fit into my mode of thinking about art. I think of it this way (mathematicians will probably hate me for this): There is an infinite amount of numbers between 0 and 100. You can zoom into an interval as deeply as you can, and you'll keep finding more values. Take that principle and apply it to a smaller range--say, 0 and 1. The same thing applies. By that virtue, there is the same amount of values between and relatively small interval as there is between something much larger. The reductionist challenges our sensitivity to these minute, continuous ranges. He boils something down 'till what the mind sees becomes more than what is actually part of the work. The brain is very good at filling in gaps.

I've dabbled in this with the tonal range of my photographs. The above shot is a pretty extreme example, and it isn't by any means something I'd put in a portfolio. My intent is to reduce input in order to amplify output. If I make the eye more sensitive to the subtle tonal range of photographs like this one, it will naturally fill in the tones that aren't there. This is my idea of what minimalism is.

Many minimalists try to remove themselves from the work as much as possible, using machines to create their lines and computers to create their forms. It treat it in the opposite manner. I'm attempting to create an experience for the viewer through my own personal vision and experience. I attach myself to my work as much as I can because of this.

I sound like a fine art major.

Pizza and Grunge

2010-12-05T07:31:00.000-08:00

I'm working on posting a looser edit of the series I turned in for my final project first quarter. I'm fairly happy with how it turned out, but I always think I could've done so much more.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/linkie0/sets/72157625343747933/with/5208132844/

So it started snowing the other day.

2010-12-02T12:34:00.000-08:00

I took it as an opportunity to reunite myself with the cage's Leicas. Wonderful, wonderful cameras.

Just a little more archive digging...

2010-11-28T08:40:00.000-08:00

I'm going to get some scanning done tomorrow before class. Tim developed about eight rolls of film from last winter onward, and I'm excited to get to work on them. I'll get my color stuff done once I work up the balls to drop about 30 dollars on it. In the meantime, it's all black and white.

Wedding One

2010-11-08T13:39:00.000-08:00

Insert obligatory comment about how I need to post more here.

I'm switching majors once more. Next fall, I will (hopefully) be attending UC San Diego to complete a bachelor degree in cognitive science. After that, I will attempt to get into UvA in Amsterdam for a master's degree in a related concentration. This blog will continue to run (and I'll try to post less scarcely), and I will continue to photograph. My motivation for such a dramatic change is complicated; I'll leave it at that.

It blizzarded yesterday.

2010-01-29T10:52:00.000-08:00

I survived!

I take a camera to parties.

2010-01-26T17:01:00.000-08:00

More archive digging!

2010-01-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

I'm in the midst of a game of catch-up with all my recent photos and projects. I currently have about twenty rolls of film which I have yet to develop (the school now requires labcoats for darkroom use...an expense I'm not yet prepared to partake in). Needless to say, school has been super busy, and I'm reverting to my old habits of holding off personal projects until I feel like completing them.

M8'ing

2009-11-09T13:11:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to designate the M8 as my new default for digital projects; it's pretty much everything I'd hope for in a digital rangefinder. I've simply found a certain touch with these cameras which I simply haven't been able to achieve with a typical DSLR. It's simply much, much less cumbersome, making it easier to operate in the circumstances I tend to shoot in. It really has gotten me to enjoy shooting digitally again. I'd totally buy an M9 if I had insane amounts of cash at my disposal.

It's already close to the end of my second quarter here in Rochester. I'm satisfied with the way things are going--it kinda feels weird being a "good student" for a change.

Week 9, Fall Quarter

2009-11-03T10:21:00.000-08:00

I've realized a distinct lack of people pictures in the past month or so, mostly because of my slow decline back into hermithood. I'm deciding to dedicate myself once again to watching gesture and shape.

More Scans

2009-10-20T15:39:00.000-07:00

Scanning old negs makes me really want to take the Hasselblad out once again. Time constraints and assignment parameters have restricted me from doing so.

I figure I've neglected this enough.

2009-10-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

Good news! I've finally figured out how to use the school's Flextight scanners. That means I'm about ready to go on a film scanning spree, when I get the time. These scanners are exactly what I have been hoping for. My biggest gripe about the flatbeds I've been using is that the amount of grain I see at 100% is minimal. Even if it won't end up being seen in the final print, I think it's important for the overall effect. It let's me know I'm getting everything as sharp (or unsharp) as possible.

This may have been the fastest term I've ever experienced in my collegiate career. I had no clue that it would be so close to November so soon.

1280 960

2009-09-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

I've decided to start a cell phone picture mini-blog. It's just a little exercise in working with extremely barebones equipment. That and I really want to utilize Tumblr. You can find it here. Enjoy!

Revival

2009-09-19T05:06:00.000-07:00

Since school is starting once again, I suppose I'll start writing here once again.

This photo is something I keep looking back at. I consider it one of my few success from this summer, not only because of the photo itself, but also the manner through which it was taken. It was one of those rare moments when everything was just right, from my position in the room, to the lens I had on my camera, to the way the situation was lit. This photograph felt so effortless to make.

I might want to mention that I'm also working on another blog for my core photo class this quarter. The assignment involves creating a visual diary, documenting my day-to-day observations and interactions. Basically, it's a photo-a-day project with more focused intentions. Which makes me nervous, considering that my previous photo-a-day projects were complete failures. I guess we'll see how it goes. You can find it here.

Leica'ing

2009-08-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

I've taken every available opportunity to take the school's Leicas out. They have about twenty of them sitting around, unused for the most part. I've gotta say that using them has been extremely fulfilling and rewarding. The shutter is so extremely quiet (not to mention, most people don't even recognize its click as a camera's), walking around with the thing is a breeze. I have literally walked within two feet of people, right in their face, without anybody being aware that I just took a picture. I can't wait to be able to use the M8s, so school work would actually be viable (no time to develop film!).

It's just paper, scissors, stone.

2009-07-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

The summer transfer program here at RIT has been one of the most fulfilling experiences I've had in my entire student life, regardless of academic concentration. For once, I feel like my growth as a student is a direct result of my school work. I am producing something alongside my learning, as well: something I never imagined happening 'till much, much later.

However, I really haven't gotten much time to shoot much on my own, outside of school. Spending twelve hours a day at the school kind of saps you of that energy you reserve specifically for having the capacity to do anything outside of school. Luckily, this weekend's workload will be somewhat light (or will it?), and tomorrow's road trip will give me a little more freedom, as well. I'm taking the Xpan out for another spin, in yet another attempt to effectively use the wide frame.

I have about five or six drafts saved since the day I moved out to Rochester; I doubt you all will ever see them. So it goes.

2009-06-28T01:58:00.000-07:00

I suppose this is the first post I'm making since moving across the country. I hadn't realized how super busy summer session over here at RIT would be; I'm squeezing ten-week courses into three-week time periods, to come out to an entire year's worth of photo classes in a single quarter. I'm happy with my hasty decision to get over here; I've gotten so much out of the program already.

I must mention the exhibition I attended last week at the George Eastman House -- a reinstallment of the New Topographics series that was first shown in the seventies. It featured photographs of what is described as the "man-altered landscape," a concept contrary to what conservationists like Ansel Adams explored.

2009-05-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

I've kinda halted posting photos up here and on my Flickr a little bit ago. I'm still shooting and developing, but I've gotten terribly bored of tracking all my posts and comments on Flickr. Web2.0 has brought out both the bad and good in just about everybody with access to the internet. People have turned into stat junkies; each picture somebody posts and each comment they receive is just another number to add to their totals. Though my eyes light up when I see the yellow "New" light up next to my "Recent Activity" link, I'm tired of contemplating whether or not the occasional praise I get on Flickr comes from somebody who knows what they're talking about. And though any complement is a good complement, the main purpose for my Flickr uploads is so they can be seen by people who are experienced and perhaps somewhat reputable in the field. Since Flickr isn't an isolated entity like a website, it has a better chance of being found by such people.

After a long mental battle, I've decided that my peronal goal to complete a photo-a-day project isn't in my best interest. Sure, taking a photo every day is the best thing I can do for myself as a growing artist (I'll use the term lightly), but, as I have proven with my prior two failed attempts, I churn out a lot of crap that I'm not exactly proud of, hence my recent great purge of all the photos that I'd rather not let be seen. Why publish something that doesn't truly reflect my intentions as a photographer? I suppose that's the magic of such projects. People get to see somebody's picture taking process, including all the gems and fuck-ups, and since it's under the "experimental" label of the 365-Day project, people just shrug said fuck-ups off. What would the gem-to-fuckup ratio have to be in order to label somebody as a "good photographer?"

It's the same "monkeys on typewriters" scenario that can be said about Garry Winogrand. He died leaving hundreds upon hundreds of undeveloped rolls of film in his house. How many of those actually contain good shots? Even if there was, perhaps, one or less gems per roll, if we looked at the contact sheets, would we see an intelligent thought process involved--series of shots that displayed a higher form or seeking and capturing? Is that even what characterizes a good photogrpaher? Most of us obviously haven't seen every last frame on even a small portion of the film he left behind. We know him for the mind-blowing images from the various publications he's been in (look up "Women are Beautiful" and you'll see what I mean). I don't mean to sit here quesitoning his reputation as a photographer (especially coming from a dude just beginning to venture out into the real world of photography), but it simply makes you wonder (what a bullshit statement to conclude such a paragraph with).

If you do not wish to trudge through a load of inner-conflict bullshit, just stop reading right here. You'll thank me later.

The reason I'm deciding against displaying my fuck-ups (since I started with the term, I'll end with it) in the form of a photo-a-day project is that I tend to be a huge perfectionist. I always have been, which is the reason I've come to stop re-reading my school essays. If I do so even once, there is a good chance I'll end up with a smoldering lump of what used to be a fine-as-it-it essay when the due date comes around. The same has applied with shooting for me recently. I haven't really gotten anything done since I always find something wrong, either conceptually or technically, with what I'm doing. This is what school is for, I suppose.

In less than four hours, I'll be on a plane to Rochester, New York, where I'll be attending school for the next three years (or more!) of my life. Hopefully. People say this too much when they know more than they think, but I honestly don't know what to expect with this transition. I've never been to New York; hell, I've barely even stepped foot outside Califorina and its neighboring states. I suppose it was a similar case with moving to Santa Cruz (I didn't really know anything about the area besides the constant "I heard there's a lot of liberal counter-culture going on over there" from my comically worried parents), and I hope everything in Rochester will click as well as it did at UCSC. I can see myself very easily falling into the same "I'll just sit at my computer for the rest of the day" hole as I did in Orange County. I suppose this is how people fall into solo drinking habits.

Without further ado, goodbye California!

What? Coffee developer?

2009-03-23T18:43:00.000-07:00

My Flickr "pro" account expired today. I will mourn its departure for seven days now, Jewish style. I'm taking donations for a new one.

I've been doing a little exploration in terms of photography this past week. I dug up a red filter in my dad's old camera bags the other day, so I decided to go out and make some 'scapes. Good day, too. I suppose it'll be one of the last cumulus-cloud-filled skies I'll see for a while, so I tried to make the most of it. I walked up to "the rock," up in the hills behind the orange groves. From there, the better part of the valley is visible. The clouds' shadows made patterns atop the sea of orange trees to the east, and illuminated and enshrouded the buildings (obscured, of course, by olive and palm trees) to the west. This day was an example of one of my favorite picture-taking situations. Unfortunately, I left the rolls of film I was meaning to bring on my desk, so I could only get twelve shots in before I had to turn back, and by the time I got there, the sun was setting, and I sadfaced. Pictures from that in a little bit.

Today I found an article about creating a simple developer from almost normal household materials. I jumped on that idea and shot a test roll. After spending three hours trying to find the right materials, I mixed the (rather stinky) solution and cooked the test roll. I even decided to hand-develop, mostly I had barely ever used my steel tank and reel. Their recommended 12 minutes is a little short for Tmax 100; next time I'm going to try 20, as folks in the Flickr group are recommending. I'm just now realizing that this is something I should've done before I developed it. I suppose I was too excited to think about it. All in all, it works. However, it does leave a really weird gray tint to it. I'm not sure if it was the process (I've had a couple rolls come out that way after I hand-processed them), or the developer, or something else. I'll have to look into it. The real test with this developer will come when I finally decide to do some printing. I'll post whatever is, you know, good, in the next few days.

I'm broke. I need a job.

I guess $4 for a roll of 120 versus $15,000 for a digital back is the biggest reason...

2009-03-17T17:22:00.000-07:00

I've been shooting digitally for a few months now, and in spite of the tone of the following, a digital SLR was probably one of the best investments I've ever made. I made the purchase during a time when I didn't have access to a means to develop film at a reasonable price, and that inconvenience, I felt, hindered my growth at a period of time when growth was crucial. I never mind having to wait a day or two to get around to processing a few rolls, but at that time, it was agonizing to have hundreds of latent images in rolls I exposed three months ago. And "hundreds" is no exaggeration. I went through periods when I could go through three 36-exposure rolls on a productive day. This was a period when I had just started getting my chops back, after a long hiatus. I needed the quick feedback, and I had no way of measuring my progress. A digital SLR was a godsend for me at the time.

About ten months later, my film developing situation has changed, and my poor 40D is sitting between my Olympus OM-1 and my EOS 3 on my "cameras I use...occasionally" shelf. In place of it, my two Canonets and my (borrowed) Hasselblad have become the cameras I bring with me when I go shooting. I've voluntarily (or, perhaps, the opposite?) chosen a fast-aging process over something much more convenient (and, in the long run, cheaper). I suppose I'm rediscovering why I was so hesitant to switch over to digital in the first place.

Some folks claim they like film for the "romance" involved in the process and the overall appearance of the resulting images. I suppose such a manual, involved process is a "romantic" experience. From the lovely chemical perfume that permeats from a freshly-opened canister, to getting fix and its undeniable scent on one's fingers, to turning the lights on to reveal a print, film creates a level of intimacy which simply cannot be achieved by dragging sliders and moving curves. There is nothing like dedicating an entire day to the process, going through fifteen music albums and an entire tank of gas scouting out spots to shoot. Like I've said, I have no qualm with waiting a while to get results.

The look of a film photograph is also something to consider. Obviously, the composition of the material gives it a much more "artistic" texture, and the fact that this can be adjusted through so many different inexpensive mechanisms--push-processing, different films, different developers, different dilutions of developers, etc.--is really appealing. This is complimentary to the fact that a digital sensor simply doesn't react to light the same way a piece of film does. Digital cameras simply have not achieved the flexibility that film has had access to for decades. They're coming close, though, and this is part of the reason why I can't say that the overall "look" of film makes me "prefer" it to digital. I'm sure that, with practice and the right camera, one can get a digital image to look like any kind of film. (I'd probably get a lot of angry responses if I told this to the wrong group of people.)

The true reason I've preferred film over digital in recent days is the fact that I've always enjoyed working with my hands. One might call my appeal as "romantic," but I'd say it's just a fixation on a joy I've had since birth. From my primitive pre-preschool drawings and writings, to piano lessons more than ten years (holy shit!) ago, to extremely enthusiastic and thorough chem labs, I've always gotten great satisfaction out of creating something, tangible or otherwise, with my hands. I hand-made two pieces of furniture in my house. I've never paid for an oil change. I take broken stuff apart just to see what its guts look like. My film obsession is simply another part of the fixation. My images are a product of my hands as much as they are of my eyes. Film photography is a multisensory experience for me.

Didn't we have a "Friday the 13th" last month?

2009-03-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

The title is somewhat obsolete by now, but I suppose I'll keep it.

I'm spending a weekend in Santa Cruz in a few weeks. The "real" reason to be there is for an appointment with one of the advisors, but I thought it would be nice to meet up with old (a term I'll use loosely) friends. I hate to say I miss things, but I'll admit that I really do miss that town, and the people I met there.

I've decided I'll be participating in SoFoBoMo 2009 this summer. Or, attempting to, at least. I've already come up with a concept and everything; I suppose it's about time to learn InDesign. Wish me luck!

Oh hey, let's talk about another movie.

2009-03-11T18:34:00.000-07:00

The most beautiful thing about the cinematography in Rachel Getting Married is its stream-of-consciousness style. The camera is treated as just another character in the film, playing the role of an observer--an attendee at the ceremony. It lets go of the grip of being some omnipresent being, putting a frame around the puppet show taking place within its borders, in favor of taking a step back and letting the characters carry out their own portion of the plot. In doing this, we are thrown into the shoes of nearly every soul that makes it into the frame. The characters create a world that makes that in other films feel static and hazy. Each one has a strong presence, and the camera work is what sets it off.

I am so tired of seeing the generic alternating L-cut close-ups that are supposed to encompass a tense, plot-driving dialogue, which are seen in nearly every movie and TV show. They seem to me like a cop-out for somebody who doesn't know how to frame a conversation effectively. That said, it's extremely refreshing to see somebody think out of the box, and proceed to pull it off.

The style in Rachel Getting Married reminded me of L'enfant. After a two-hour laissez-faire dysfunctional love-fest, we're left with a feeling that the characters aren't any better off than they were in the beginning. This could alienate some audiences, but it's great for me, considering that the movies I tend to really like generally always end up this way.

And I've gotta say, it's refreshing to see Anne Hathaway in a good movie, for once.

Five days in the making...

2009-03-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

It's taken me a while to publish this.

The Watchmen movie definitely left a lasting impression. Going into it as one of those jackasses who has read the graphic novel (twice now), I faced it with high hopes, but low expectations. Hours after it ended, I'm still giddy over how meticulously detailed it was, and how unbelievably faithful it was to the comic book, minus the ending (despite the fact that Snyder cut out my favorite panel in the book).

Looking at it in the "I've never read the book because I'm not a douchebag" perspective, it was all I would've wanted in a superhero movie, and more. The fight sequences were some of the best I've seen in a movie; visually stunning--they reminded me of Devil May Cry crossed with Oldboy crossed with Sin City. It was well-paced (though, I understand, the movie's pacing is up for debate...I just think some people really hate flashbacks), and it really didn't seem like it ran almost three hours.

A word about the ending: I want to say that it was a cop-out, and that I really wanted to see the squid at the end, but in a way, what Snyder did kinda worked better than the weird deus-ex-machina Moore put into the comic. This did, however, cause some major continuity errors.

I've been doing a little bit of "cleaning" on the Flickr. I've hidden just about every "bad" image from both of my 365 project failures. I figured they wouldn't be missed (by me, even), and they've created too much clutter for my taste. It's my attempt at creating a better good-bad photo ratio on the 'stream, to make it appear cleaner to visitors. The whole 10 visitors I get daily. I suppose it's doing better than this blog!

This last batch of color film has been a color correction hell for me. I'm still deciding on whether or not I want to upload them. They're not horrendous or anything--I kinda just don't want to see this most recent batch get replaced on the front page by something perhaps a step down from what they are (that roll was truely awesome; the other frames were basically exposure brackets of the ones I used).

I'm on the prowl for a film scanner; if anybody has a CanoScan 8800F they wouldn't mind letting go of, I'm your man. Or, more ideally, a CoolScan series scanner.

More of the same

2009-02-26T05:07:00.000-08:00

I'm kinda running out of subject matter within walking distance here around the outskirts of Hemet. Luckily, there's been talk amongst a few of my friends about a trip to Simpson Park next week.

I hadn't realized that I haven't experienced "normal" Hemet weather since I moved back here, 'till now. Now that the rain's gone, the haze is back, and there is an overarching feeling of grossness every time I walk outdoors. The temperature begins in the low 40s, and then shoots up to the mid 80s within an hour before noon. I go out with a jacket, and end up carrying it around the entire day. The sky is no longer a deep blue between fluffy clouds; it's more like a really light blue with a slight yellow tinge, broken up once in a while by strange-looking offwhite cirrus wisps and chemtrails. All the more reason to get a red filter, I suppose. The mountains are no longer these giants looming over the valley; the haze has reduced them to faded lumps of land mass in the distance. I'm beginning to think that this is the reason why I had always been under the impression that there weren't many photo-ops around here. I suppose I'll just cross my fingers and hope for more decent weather this year. And, plus, it's only for a few months, right?

I'm still awesome.

2009-02-25T12:06:00.000-08:00

I started this post a few days ago, and forgot about it. Let's see if I can finish it. I know. The pose.

I suppose I'll type this one more time: I recently received a letter from the Rochester Institute of Technology, inviting me to enroll in the photojournalism program next fall. I was absolutely ecstatic when I saw the 8*11-sized envelope arrive in the mail; a kind of excitement I haven't experienced since my senior year in high school (which seems like a decade ago), and the kind I haven't expected to have to experience 'till spring 2011. Boy, do times change! I must say that I am excited once again to breathe a breath of certainty for where I'll be in the next year. If nothing else, I know that one campus will be awaiting my presence in the fall.

I'm starting to consider beginning my photo-a-day project once I decide where I want to go for school next, yet again, but not until I can get my hands on one of them "enthusiast" point-and-shoots. I've found that I've been consistently taking at least one photo each day for about two weeks now, but It's all been on film. Due to the fact that film, in fact, isn't a digital medium, I'm not able to just stop mid-roll and go develop the six pictures I shot that day. My 40D has seen a depressingly low amount of action, mostly because a Hasselblad, a light meter, an extra back, and extra film have been more than enough to carry around the city with. Hence the albiet irrational desire for a decent compact digicam. I suppose that's just another line on the "cameras I want" list.

Today I got a response from the advising office at UCSC, saying that I need to schedule an appointment and discuss readmission. Now, I'm not sure whether or not this means me actually having to be present, or just an over-the-phone meeting. If the former is the case, I'd suppose a visit is in order.

I'm starting to tag my posts again. Let's see how many hits I get :3.

I haven't talked about movies for a while...

2009-02-18T16:25:00.000-08:00

...so I guess I'll go with this one.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona, like Volver, is just the kind of movie Penelope Cruz needs to be in. It's another example of her appearing more comfortable in a Mediterranean environment. It also seems that Scarlett Johansson is a little more comfortable, too, but not much more can be said about her acting. The movie seems to start deciding to be good the moment Cruz's volatile character walks onscreen. That's not to say that the first half was bad; its potential just ignited once everything was in place, and the story was allowed to proceed.

The movie is presented in a storybook sort of fashion. It has a beginning, a middle, a twist, and an end. There isn't much to grasp, so it's best to just enjoy the ride. It's a lot easier to swallow once this is understood. However, I didn't like the fact that some obviously mature subject matter was treated somewhat tamely, like when a parent spells risque things out in front of their child, as a form of censorship. There's something about the constant uttering of "make love with," and "go to bed with" that felt rather unnatural. C'mon, Woody Allen. Seinfeld said "sex" in the 80s. I'm sure audiences can handle it these days.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona is quirky, to say the least. It's definitely one of the better dramadies I've seen in a while.

Oh, and a photographer's note: lol at the "Oh, I have a Leica all of a sudden" scene. Though it does explain those pictures of Scarlett Johansson on a set with one around her neck floating around the internet. And it was definitely more appropriate than seeing a Leica with black tape over the logo being used to photograph a crime scene in NCIS, or one of those prime time crime shows.

Can I see Watchmen now? Please?

No, spell check, I will not capitalize "internet."

I'll post three

2009-02-18T09:52:00.000-08:00

...because I don't really have anything to say.

Processing color film was interesting, to say the least. I'll say that I now have a hightened sense of space and positioning, after stumbling around between the enlarger and processor. Color balancing has to have been one of the most frustrating experiences I've ever endured, but I quickly learned the nuances, and next time it'll be much easier.

I overdeveloped my last roll of Tmax! Curses!

Fuck you and your "blue notes," Death Cab.

2009-02-10T08:49:00.000-08:00

auto

I read an article earlier about Death Cab's new campaign against using the autotune in recording studios. Ben Gibbard claims that it strips music of so-called "blue notes," which, by his definition, are imperfections in a singers voice that supposedly add a splash of color to a tune. I believe, however, that he is defining the bad pitch and tone that characterize a poorly-trained "hey let's start a band lol" voice. If you recall from month one of formal music education (a dying concept), a "blue note" is a dropped third or fifth that, in fact, do add color to a melody. These are blatantly added to a lick, and are a product of a good ear and knowledge of a chord progression, not your lack of competence in music. Hell, we were scolded whenever we tried to add shit like that to our music until we actually knew what the hell we were doing.

Though she naturally had a good ear and an even better voice, Edith Piaf spent years training under somebody in order to pefect her tuning and whatnot. She would spend hours a day on a single melody in order to get each syllable as articulate as possible. Even the frontmen of old rock bands knew what the hell they were doing when they got behind the microphone. I cringe whenever I hear somebody sing out of tune live. These so-called "blue notes" don't add anything but incoherence to a song. It is not "how people really sing." Granted, I agree that the autotune is grossly abused in the music industry, but it is more of a crutch for an untrained voice (as evident in any Spears, Bosstones, Johansson, or even Death Cab album) than it is a "character stripper."

And this is also coming from personal experience. I've been in a recording studio, recording take after take of a single lick, being assaulted with profanities coming from the sound room, trying to get everything absolutely perfect. A studio album is supposed to be made to sound good.

Again, an artist's character comes from his sound, not his lack of expertise. Anybody who thinks otherwise can take their indie-whore attitude and go play wrong--excuse me--blue notes at some stupid hipster coffee shop hangout.

Hasselblad, will you be my Valentine?

2009-02-09T16:02:00.000-08:00

I've said this before, and I'll say it again. If the Hasselblad were a woman, and I weren't a coward, I'd totally hit that.

Seriously though. I don't know what the hell people were shooting 'scapes with before these things were explosively thrust out of Victor Hasselblad AB's womb. I've honestly found it difficult to go back to anything but the Canonet (a whole other ballpark) since I first laid hands on its supple one-sheet-of-aluminum body. I know, however, that one day its charm will fade and I will be hungry for another camera to sustain my itchy hands. Possibly an XPan II, also made by Hasselblad. Panoramic goodness.

I've been shooting the sky a lot lately. It's becoming my little niche in landscape photography. My days have consisted of waiting for the clouds to start dissipating after the rainfall (a strange daily occurrence which I'll miss sorely when this storm passes), blowing through a roll of 120 with da Hass, and spending dusk locked in the darkroom. That means you'll start to see some more shitty pictures of the sky trickle in on the photostream. I apologize in advance, the addiction will die soon.

I'm getting increasingly excited about the prospect of going back to UC Santa Cruz. It won't be my _ideal_ situation, but considering that "ideal" involves dropping out of school and emigrating to go work under some huge name, this would fall under the "satisfactory" category. I'm not counting my chickens just yet, but I'm sure I'll be all set to make a logical, educated decision on where to go by the time the acceptance letters start rolling in. My oh my, I'd never thought I'd have to say that 'till grad school!

Edit: I'm going to get back into the swing of tagging my posts.

No Picture Today; Sorry.

2009-01-26T19:17:00.000-08:00

School is gradually becoming less difficult to go to. Once the reason to watch the clock tick away in drudgery, it's now beginning to meld once again into the fabric of my existence. It's just another reason to get out of bed. Thankfully, I have my classes scheduled (for the most part) toward the beginning of my waking day, leaving evenings for my will. The beginning of my waking day also happens to be the absolute worst time for lighting.

I'm currently doing a little landscape project with the Hasselblad. I've been pretty inspired by some of the dramatic noir scenes I've seen around Flickr, and decided to have a go at it. Hemet has been a wonderful place for it because of the skies as of late.

I've been hearing a little about Quake Live and I'm getting pretty excited about it. My friends and I haven't ever really gotten into arena shooters, mostly because none of us wants to dedicate hours memorizing every level like the "pros" do, subsequently becoming the douchebag at the lan who isn't worth playing against. Nevertheless, I always try them out for about a month at a time, just for something to do.

School starts again tomorrow.

2009-01-25T14:58:00.000-08:00

It took me 6 hours to finish Mirror's Edge, the game that I've been gouging my eyeballs out with anticipation for. It ended up, as I had expected it to, being one of those games that I would recommend if you're like myself, and chances are, you're not. Judging by what I have observed, very few would really "get" the premise of the game. After much consideration, I realize that I don't mind the short length of the game. It is only as long as variety will allow, unlike Prince of Persia (I'll compare it here as another parkour-oriented action game), whose replay value is only as long as one play-through (You could argue getting the rest of the light seeds, but I only know of one person in the entire world who would do that). Mirror's Edge simply expends its bag of tricks, and ends with one of the better video game endings I've seen in a while. In terms of replay value, we get maps outside the story for time trials--a feature I really wanted to see in Prince of Persia (After beating it, I found myself drawn back to its parkour sequences, but simply did not want to deal with the mediocore story). I, personally, always look for a game to kill time with, without having to dedicate myself to completing a story or getting good at a multiplayer mode. The courses in Mirror's Edge also have much more variety and provoked more reasoning than those in Prince of Persia. In the latter case, they were just excercises in timing, basically showing the way and almost playing the game for us. The former gives us so much more than walls and ceilings with scrapes on them. It makes us think on our feet while attempting to maintain momentum.

Mirror's Edge, like most games that have had the misfortune of having been developed by EA, has its share of blaring flaws, but they have been painted over with a healthy coat of polish in other areas. Overall, the parkour portions (which, thankfully, made up 90% of the game) were very well-done, despite some collision detection issues and awkward courses. It handles first person well. I may have been blinded by my expectations of the gameplay, or the PC version ended up working significantly better than the console versions, but I saw few of the things the critics were knit-picking in terms of gameplay, excluding combat. The combat sequences proved clunky and frustrating. EA continues their proud tradition of crappy AI and ungratifying kills. Thankfully, again, these parts are short-lived, and are sandwiched between invigorating parkour sequences.

I couldn't get over the animated cutscenes, but I've gotta say, they were surprisingly cinematic, and it would be difficult to pull off to that degree using the game's engine (especially considering EA's track record). They just didn't go well with the rest of the game. The story also has gaping holes, and doesn't really explain itself. This is a shame, considering how good the voice acting is.

The biggest problem I had with Mirror's Edge is the same problem I have with a lot of games of this nature. The gameplay sequences just felt like transportation between story sequences. Most of the story's guts were unearthed in the cutscenes, and when I was in control, it felt a little like I was just doing some redundant task while the next one was being prepared for me. Very few of my gameplay actions felt like they were making a significant effect on the underlying events. This is something Bioshock got around by adding the puppeteering effect.

That's enough video game talk for the night.

I will attend my first day at yet another college tomorrow. Sarah Palin went to four colleges. I'll just hope my path doesn't lead into politics.

Silver Halides, Paranoia, and DnD

2009-01-16T18:42:00.000-08:00

I think this is my first post since moving back to the homestead; I actually had a draft prepared a couple of days ago, but I scrapped it once I started scanning more film stuff in. I've been in this weird "I'm going to shoot exclusively film" phase for the past few weeks. I suppose you can say I'm falling back in love with darkroom work, after six months of using exclusively photoshop, save for the stuff I shot for school.

I am half-thrilled to be living back at home again. It's settling into this state of mind that living home two years after graduating high school is no longer the most embarassing thing that I can do. After all, most of my friends have been living with their parents this whole time. However, I have to mention that--and this is one of the reasons I was so eager to get out of here--I'm living with this undeniable feeling that I'm being critically watched by my parents. Not a day goes by without one of them mentioning, in either positive or negative light, how late they heard me walk back in the night before, or how late I slept in the next morning. They're always making cracks about how much I eat, and where I go when I step out. I feel exposed and weighed.

I am, however, happy to be back as a regular member of our DnD groups. DnD for us is much different than what it is for a lot of other players. We don't really take it seriouly, but we don't spend the entire time fooling around. It's almost what we replaced our LAN parties of yesteryear with. We've never really been the type to "go out and do shit," much to the error of our social confusion as a group, so this is our form of such. Plus, Hemet doesn't exactly have a wealth of "shit to do," which makes me wonder what normal people did before they shipped off.

Game Daze, Part 2

2009-01-09T18:00:00.000-08:00

Nobody wants to hear me talk about games (scroll down to the last paragraph if you don't want to, but really care about reading what I have to say), but here we go:

I keep playing the new Prince of Persia because, like Bioshock, Portal, and the Devil May Cry series (sans 2 and 4), it's a very therapeutic game, and I want to play through to the end. It's not like I don't know what's going to happen--I had that figured out from the beginning--and I'm not really expecting much more variety after the first couple of parkour courses. I simply find it hypnotic, stress-relieving, and rewarding. It gives me the same kind of gratitude as proceeding to the next downright Oscar-worthy sequence of writing and voice acting in Bioshock (I cannot say this enough: this is the best sound design I've ever heard in a video game, and I am itching to be able to say that again), and clearing a room full of demons with a flurry of blades and bullets in Devil May Cry. Sure, the pacing is broken up by choppy combat, and Ubisoft's writers should be fired, but the game's polish and beauty redeem itself. Anybody who says they don't like it is looking too deeply into the combat system, which obviously isn't the core focus of the game. I'll go ahead and blame Halo for this one.

The one thing that bothers me about "Prince of Persia" is that it doesn't have a subtitle. To me, that means they're saying this is the game that epitomizes the series. It is also inconsistent with the recent trend, and makes me wonder how they're going to title the next installments. This doesn't really matter in a practical sense, beside the fact that it makes me compulsively call it "the new Prince of Persia."

I didn't really play many of the recent video game releases, which is surprising to me because of my excitement over the number of decent releases. I will play Mirror's Edge when it comes out on PC, despite how much of a damned disappointment it was. I don't really want to commit to open-ended marvels like Far Cry 2 and Fallout 3, but, unlike all the tasteless bastards I talk to, I can readily call them good.

And the question of the week has been, "Whatever happened to Warhammer Online?" As much as we tried to go back to it, we really could find no point. And believe me, we tried. Getting closer to the level cap, we realized that it had less and less depth as we navigated the world. The problem with Warhammer was that it presented itself as a great game. The first twenty levels were a blast, until the population began thinning out and things got progressively more tedius to do. Before that, we igored the huge flaws that everybody else seemed oblivious to, and we were happy to do so. The fun of leveling outweighed any of the problems we had. As we progressed, the things that made the game fun began to disappear. The population bottomed out, and PvP turned into a massive mindless grind. If there was a server merger, it happened to late. We never found anybody who was halfway intelligent to play with, either.

I'm in the middle of packing up to ship back off to Hemet. I'll be spending the next semester there, and then moving wherever the wind (and acceptance letters) takes me. It's strange how I swore so passionately that I would never have to move back home. In actuality, it's the best choice for me. Living away from home kinda defeats the purpose of going to a community college. It's what I get for flying by the seat of my shorts. However, I'm not going to regret it; it populates another area on my geotagged photo map. Farewell, Orange County!

Photo Daze

2009-01-09T04:00:00.000-08:00

I've been shooting outside my Tmax-400-pushed-to-1600 zone of comfort on the Hasselblad. I've been looking for a film that would match up a little differently with the camera's optics. I've chosen to take the Tri-X route, since I've been hearing from everybody that I "owed it to myself" to try it out. The results have given me mixed feelings. Mind, I haven't really tried any extraneous developing techniques with it like I have done with T-max; I've started it out developing it straight in D-76. And, since I don't really have a better method of scanning things, you'll have to bear with my 7-year-old low-end flatbed scanner scans and take my word for the rest. Like I was saying, I dig the balance of tones and contrast, but it's a weird balance. I have a feeling I'm getting a lot of the contrast from pushing it two stops (though I really dig how the shadow detail is retained better than that from pushing T-max), and the tones aren't quite as smooth as I expected them. Again, this could also be a result of push-processing, but mind also that we're talking about medium format; the grain is still pretty tight from what I'm seeing, so most choppiness should be negligible. The emulsion even seems a little too toney, and I found myself having to filter a lot of the contrast in. This may have been from the printing soup I was using which I had deemed dead or dying after the day was through. I'll have to see how it does with a fresh tray of P-130, but I doubt the results will be any different.

I'm going to try shooting a little bit of Bergger in a few days, though I'm not really thrilled about its availablity only ISO 200.

Movie Daze, Part 2

2009-01-07T12:15:00.000-08:00

L'Enfant is another minimalist foreign drama that, amongst other minimalist dramas, has captured my heart. This is quickly turning into my absolute favorite style of cinema. I'm a huge fan of raw, transparent cinematography and unbelievably realistic acting. The soundtrack exists as nothing but the background noise of the rather depressed-looking city in which the film takes place.

Bruno, the main character, doesn't really fit into any kind of character archetype except "human." We'd call him an antagonist, but he's too naive to really be one. We'd call him a protagonist, but his intentions are definitely not there. In the end we see Bruno, harshly shaken from the preceding events, and his almost apathetic but equally emotional girlfriend Sonia. This sequence creates somewhat of a gut-wrenching moment for us, as we sum everything up and realize that they aren't any better off than they were at the beginning. This is the epitome of a tear-jerker.

Game Daze

2009-01-05T13:29:00.000-08:00

Of all the really good games that came out these past few months, the only one which has really stuck with me has been the new Prince of Persia game. It's the kind of game that is worth playing just because, like Assassin's Creed and Killer 7,it stands out and takes risks. Despite the flaws and bad design choices (and there are quite a few of them), it leaves a good taste in my mouth because of its polish, fluidity, and raw beauty. The acrobatics feel like something Mirror's Edge should've been. It makes me wonder what Mirror's Edge would've been like had Ubisoft Montreal had their hands on it.

My roomate is back for the winter intersession, and it's finally less quiet up in this upstairs space. We're both trying to find a way to afford a car, in an effort to quit rotting here. The source of our problems, as we see it, is our very limited flexibility in the transportation department. The bus system here isn't exactly a marvel (to contrast that in Santa Cruz, albiet a much smaller, denser college town), and there is no way I'm letting anybody without a uteris on the back of the Vespa.

A car would also help me work on my "really bright and foggy mornings" large format photo project.

Movie Daze

2009-01-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

The movie "Crash," as fine as it is, seems a little blatant. That's not to say that blatancy is unnecessary; everything just seemed to happen flat-out too close to the beginning. The editing is a little confusing to trudge through, but once you understand the movie's use of catalysts, and how they set up the main theme, it becomes much easier to watch. Hardly the tear-jerker I expected it to be, it was admittedly engaging, and my emotional attachment to the characters and their situations (especially the story of the Mexican locksmith) was solid. After the initial barrage of racial slurs and questionable acting, the pacing was top-notch (which is all I ever really ask from a movie) and the dialogue realistic. The message is conveyed through examination, not the soapbox. All things considered, it was definitely an agreeable choice for Best Picture back whenever the hell it was made.

"Sex and Lucia" follows the theme of memories and dreams which has been put under the microscope in many of the major art house films of the last decade. It's the kind of movie that makes you want to sit through to the end, regardless of how much it seems to start struggling. Such points are moments when the film spontaneously changes focus to elements that don't seem like they need focus (no, I'm not talking about the sex scenes). At times, it even seems that the director went into a coma while production continued to take a nose dive. It recovers quite nicely, but I found it difficult to pick up the pieces. However, it wasn't quite as hard to follow as most people have said. Most of the characters are solid, and their stories aid in their development well. This half-excludes the Lorenzo dude, who is unpleasently inconsistent and hidden, despite how large of a role he plays. But for the most part, the characters' stories each lead back into themselves, just as they should. The sex scenes are borderline over the top, but aren't awkward (movies like "Fur" come to mind) and present themselves as necessary. I liked the subtlety of the soundtrack; the music for this kind of movie should be felt more than it is heard. Hovever, it seemed about as inconsistent as the rest of the film, with no solid theme (at least I didn't catch one) to tie it together. Overall, I enjoyed Sex and Lucia, but I doubt many others would.

I might also add that 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days just so happens to be the must-see to end all must-sees.

Hooray for midnight retrospective banter! This is me not being able to afford to go see this year's oscar season films.

Avast! New photos!

2009-01-02T15:59:00.000-08:00

Yay! Finally got some new stuff up on the Flickr. I found some extra stuff left over from Santa Cruz lying around the other day, so I printed some of those up. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to scan contact sheets while I was down there. I did get some quick final prints from my Hasselblad rolls. Love that square format!

I suppose I'm obligated to mention the new year, as I always do (and ironically always a day late), but I don't think I'll add any reminiscent BS. I spent two days off over in Hemet going over short-term plans for education and whatnot with my parents. For the new year's thing I booked it over to Kirk's place for a rather anticlimactic midnight countdown. It pretty much ended up with everybody leaving quietly after a half hour. We never really got excited for these things.

Awaiting access to a scanner...

2008-12-30T11:46:00.000-08:00

I have a few things to scan, but right now I don't really have the means to. So here's another post sans pictures. Don't worry, guys! I'm working on it!

I've been transforming my bathroom into a photo lab, at least for the film part of it. I have yet to finish a roll of film, so I don't know what to expect from what I have right now.

I decided to be adventurous yesterday and pick a place that might be good for photos. I ended up heading for the coast (finally!) and seeing what all the hullabaloo about Balboa Island was all about. After an hour of avoiding freeways, and about fifteen minutes of finding a place to park, I stepped foot on a community which I can only describe as "bizarre." I could smell the money that was put into these homes and businesses, but I ignored it, presently distracted aesthetically pleasing the place was. I didn't stay for long, because of how cold the evenings have been, and if you know anything about driving a two-wheeled vehicle, you know that I wasn't wanting to see the sun get any lower in the sky. I would've kept at it if I were better prepared. I was deeply intrigued by the place. The only problem I had with it was the same problem I've had with just about every other place in Southern California, especially Orange County. Everybody dresses the same, acts the same, drives the same cars, and, most irritatingly, everybody minds their own business. I couldn't tell the tourists apart from the locals. There wasn't any kind of interaction; everybody just walked.

Perhaps I'll do something on locomotion, and the strangeness thereof.

We Bit of an Update

2008-12-23T07:40:00.000-08:00

If you head over to the Flickr, you'll notice that I've cleaned up the side bar by organizing all of my sets into collections of sets. They no longer trail off into some page you'll never see. This is mostly for my purposes, but if you like browsing peoples' sets, I've made it cleaner for you.

I'm also going to start scanning my contact sheets and posting them on the Flickr. This is to show others part of my picture taking process, as well as to archive them in a a digital form. With the interest of keeping the page clean for visitors, I've set the permissions for these as friends and family only. So, if you'd like to check them out, let me know and I'll tag you as a friend. They really aren't all that exciting, though.

First Outing With the Hasselblad

2008-12-21T18:23:00.000-08:00

My father lent me his Hasselblad last week; just got the contact sheet from the first roll of film through it the other day. Unfortunately, it was apparently shot with expired film, so the emulsion got all spotty. Other than that, I've gotta say that I'm excited to be shooting with it. I have a couple of days off, so I'll be burning through some rolls. Exciting stuff!

I'm hopelessly in love with the movie "4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days." I've never seen a better showcase of cinemetography and atmosphere. The camera work is so beautifully transparent; something you'd normally only expect out of a Wes Anderson film. Never is there a moment when the film loses its grasp from the viewer; I found myself constantly physically leaning toward the screen. The acting is so well executed; I almost had to turn away from the scene where Mr. Bebe berates the two main characters.

I can boast the movie for about forty paragraphs, but naturally, nothing but a watch can do it justice.

I'm going to make an apology.

2008-12-04T18:03:00.000-08:00

I don't usually let angst show its face in this blog. It's the exact opposite of what I want this blog to be. I had converted it in an attempt to veer away from a "dear diary" style weblog.

From now on, expect a photo for every post on here. No exceptions!

I recently purchased Robert Frank's "The Americans." What an amazing body of work this book is. Frank gives us an unnerving look at post-WWII America, when the country was at its highest state of prosperity since the Revolution. The unbridled optimism that plagued its citizens displays itself in its rawest form on the pages of the not only well-printed, but ingeniously-sequenced masterpiece. My history of photography teacher told me about a guest speaker who swore by "The Americans," telling him to drop out of school, plaster its pages to his walls, and study them for three years. While I'm not going to do something quite that radical, it's certainly not going to be shelved for quite a while.

What happened to the pictures?

2008-12-04T08:03:00.000-08:00

Don't worry; there's more to come. I simply need to stop being lazy and depressed.

So I paid off the DSLR I purchased about six months ago the other day. I kinda wish it felt more gratifying than it did. Just a couple of clicks and the number on my bank account's statement got considerably smaller. No "Congratulations! You now own your camera!" or anything. Just a silly little "0.00" on my balance statement.

I'm attempting to take the necessary steps to get re-admitted to UC Santa Cruz. I've decided to major in either film or art, a complete turn-around from my ambitions for computer science and astrophysics. I just can't see myself sitting behind a desk for the rest of my life.

Hemet for the weekend.

2008-11-16T18:49:00.000-08:00

The inevitable "job morale" conversation happened between my parents and me on the way to the house. I think they take a lot of what I say too seriously. I don't dislike working; let's just get that out of the way. A job like that is like that fat kid in grade school. You talked shit about him every day, but were still good friends with him and he let you copy his homework from time to time. I just fear that I happen to sound too angsty about it around my parents, because it's what I'm used to. And job hunting sucks right now and I don't want to go through it all over again. Especially in a corporate-driven area such as Orange County.

My attitude about corporate America (I hate using the term, but we'll go with it) is another thing I have difficulty explaining to my parents. I know that it's great for people to be able to make a lot of money. I know that it lets us get goods and services at low prices. It's a good thing, in one sense of the word or another. It's just simply the cultural implications that really irk me. It's reduced our culture into shopping centers, asphalt, and track homes. That and the fact (which I have previously mentioned) that if one of these massive corporations (take Mervyn's for example) goes under, it affects thousands of people. When it rains, it pours.

I might be up for a while...making up for about a month's worth of printing.

No more numbering days; just pictures.

2008-11-12T08:10:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to mention anything regarding the photoblog. I'll just continue posting here, because I miss it. I'm tired of thinking of things which may be worth reading to anybody other than myself, but ending up not doing so because I don't have a picture for the day. And I've milked the crap out of the random knick knacks in my room, and I haven't found the time nor the motivation to go out and find cheap stuff going on around here.

So expect a little more effort on my part to write some more meaningful stuff.

I haven't been out shooting in a little while. The cameras have been collecting dust; they're only being picked up to mess around with. I really need to get back into the groove. No amtitious "photo-a-day" thing or the like; I've come to realize it only accentuates my laziness.